Could be

I chased it around town

And, to my surprise

Caught it quite easily

They tell you it’s supposed to be hard

That you have to bleed and sacfrice and hurt

And chase, and chase, and chase and chase

So I did

And got tired and sick and lonely

So I quit

I threw it all away

And went for a walk

And found it

It was quite sunny, unusually warm for the morning

I picked up a coffee

I walked

Not fast

Not slow

Just walked

And there it was, at the end of a beautiful morning

Sitting on a bench beside the water

So I sat beside it

Here’s what I found

 

Could be

You could be one on someone’s wall

A pinnacle of yourself

Adored

You could be the one they call on and ask

Esteemed

You could be a friend

Trusted, loved

You could be beautiful

A pinnacle of yourself

Your unique you

You could smile

And share your beauty with people who aren’t your friends yet

Could be

Growing, asking, questioning, learning

Or

You could keep it all inside

You could miss it all

And die alone and bitter and sad

You could

Could be happy

 

Are you?

 

Find a patch of sun and lay in it

Frankie’s key to a successful, happy life.

Early morning. Sitting in my chair. Drinking coffee.

Our 3, 5 and 7-year-old sons are continuing the slow demolition of our house. My wife is reading. I’m searching for the end I need to begin with to be a highly effective person.

“Look at that dog,” my wife says. Frankie, our French Bulldog, is laying in the only patch of sun around. Totally at peace. And then it hits me.

The key to a successful, happy life is to find a patch of sun and lay in it.

In order to achieve this pinnacle of success is to:

  1. Find a patch of sun
  2. Lay in it

Do not accept anything less than a fully engulfed, blazing patch of sun. Quality is of the utmost importance. Your life, your success, and your happiness are worth the effort.

Then lay in it.

Do not:

  • plan your future
  • reminisce about your past

You must be. Let the warmth penetrate your skin, feel it in your core.

Now, carry the feeling you feel at this very moment throughout the rest of your life

and be that sun for others.

These things

It doesn’t have to make sense.

The best parts aren’t there.

It’s a hole.

I’m not a poet or a writer

Notice things.

Write them down.

Connect the dots.

Two random things. Connect them.

That’s new.

What to do? What is a writer who doesn’t write? When you stop writing for yourself and start writing for an audience you’ve lost. You write not what you want, but what you think they want. So it’s fake, it’s phoney. It’s seen through, it lacks authenticity. You know, as some might say.

Then.

These things.

Help people.

Help people feel.

Help people feel what you feel.

In that moment. At that time.

Then you have something.

 

I am not a man. I am a machine. Yes, there are chunks of flesh tied to bones but make no mistake, it is a machine.

It thinks. It constantly analyzes the possibilities and selects the course of action which is in its best interest.

Physical pain registers but it is not processed as pain. It is merely an obstruction, an impediment to reaching a goal.

These things.

These things that whirr and click

And do all sorts of things.

 

Stop.

They’re all going to laugh at you.

Who cares?

What if the milk gets spilled?

The entrenched do not want to change. They do things how they do them. You cannot expect to get anywhere towing their line. Line up for your handout, this is what we get paid. That’s what you change.

If you’re doing something different, you’ll know. They’ll tell you. There will be fear. There will be confusion.

How to do it better?

Connect the dots.

How to do it your own way?

These things.

For Sale: Open top child cage (crib) and mattress

I apologize for the blurry first photo, one of them got out and bit my leg when I was shooting. It hurt, I screamed, the photo blurred. There was no time to try again.

For sale is one open top child cage, known to new parents as a “crib.” Survivors, aka “experienced parents,” know the term “crib” to be inaccurate. This open top cage helps to restrict their movements for periods of time. This is extremely valuable at bedtime, preventing them from clawing, scratching, biting you while you try to sleep. You won’t sleep, of course, because of the noise, but you can use this to help get a minimal amount of rest.

The separation afforded by this unit comes in handy for discipline, the thing you pretend/hope will eventually teach them how to behave. It won’t work, of course, but we all have to pretend.

Our cage is in good condition. There are some bite marks which is to be expected. The stickers have been clawed off, for the most part. It’s made of sturdy wood and has the strength necessary to hold when they slam their bodies against it with brutal, savage force.

The cage comes with a mattress. With the mattress, you can feel comfortable knowing when they fall asleep they should be comfortable enough to stay asleep for at least an hour at a time. That’s the best you can hope for, just get used to it. I recommend training yourself to take microsleeps when you’re on the toilet. It’s the only place you’ll be able to get away. You’ll probably find yourself in the bathroom with no recollection of how you got there, not even having to actually poo. If this happens, make sure you flush your fake poo and turn the tap on to simulate hand washing. 7 minutes is all you get. Then take a deep breath and head back out.

We are selling because our youngest can now escape at will. We investigated closed top cage models but there concerns over the legality of these designs. The price is firm at $93 as this is the price of the first hour we were quoted by the therapist, to teach us how to deal with our child’s increased – and our decreased – freedom. Let’s be honest, my wife and I won’t make it in to see the therapist. We will probably fall asleep holding hands and crying in the waiting room with other survivors and miss our names getting are called.

If you are having a baby, prepare yourself. If you know someone who is pregnant, help them by sharing this with them. Actually, don’t share this with them. Buy this for them. They will need a cage. Trust me.

God help us all.

Forking around

30 ideas on how to improve a table fork

  1. Elongate the fork handle and add a spoon to the opposite end.
  2. Narrow the outer edge of each of the outside fork tines to make cutting your food easier.
  3. Add a carabiner to the end of the fork to clip it to things (like your work bag) so it doesn’t get lost/left behind for lunches.
  4. Make the head of the fork detachable and create an assortment of compatible utensil ends for the handle, ie. knife attachment, razor attachment, whisk attachment, shoe horn attachment, pencil attachment, screwdriver attachments.
  5. Make the end of the fork handle a flat screwdriver to pry and open stuff.
  6. Forkbells. Make forks with weight added to them so you can work out while eating.
  7. Create a set of forks that can combine into a wicked robot-like transformer.
  8. Make the fork handle a ruler/straight edge.
  9. Instead of making the fork tines all the same length, make the one on the right the longest and shorten each one until you get the shortest one on the left. This would give you more tine to plate contact for better raking/collecting of food. “Eat with less effort.”
  10. Make a fork out of material that smells funny to help prevent overeating.
  11. Make a fork an unappetizing color to help prevent overeating.
  12. Add a really thick handle a to fork for use with winter gloves.
  13. Forklight.
  14. Make the handle end a cuttable key and have your forks cut to match the locks of your house, car and any other key you tend to lose or misplace.
  15. Heated forks to add to your culinary experience.
  16. Forks signed by popular chefs.
  17. Designer forks. The fork is the new watch. Diamonds, gold, jewels. Refuse to eat with “common” cutlery found in restaurants or neighbor’s houses.
  18. Smart Cutlery. Connected to the Internet. Measure the calories in each mouthful as you go. Set warnings for calorie, fat, carb, etc intake. Weighs and records each mouthful. Connects to Smart Fork app to measure and track eating habits, diets, etc. Tracks all online. Relays data to smartphone/watch.
  19. The fork handle is an Apple TV remote. When your kids lose the damn Apple TV remote again you have a spare.
  20. Enlarge the fork tines and handle and use materials for the fork that allow it to be strummed and played as an instrument.
  21. Wearable cutlery. Fork fashion.
  22. Forkhammer.
  23. A fork that randomly emits a farting noise at some point during the meal.
  24. Forkcorder. A fork that records meal conversations and allows for playbacks to determine who said what.
  25. A fork that tastes like salt but isn’t actually salt so you don’t have to add salt to your meals. “The healthier way to eat.”
  26. Forks with a temperature gauge in them. Never burn your mouth again.
  27. A fork with a small parachute in the handle that is triggered when the fork reaches a certain speed. Prevent your 3-year-old from beaning you/your dog/the wall/your four-year-old when he or she throws their fork during the nightly dinner tantrum.
  28. Edible forks instead of disposable forks to reduce waste when camping.
  29. Black forks.
  30. Forktober. The 13th month.

Screened

I can still trade it back

I can’t see my dreams past all these screens

The bright shiny things catch my eye

And I follow them up to the sky

While my time drips down through the cracks

Bits of life I can’t get back

 

Where did I go?

 

The waste piles up as I chase more

Another gadget another chore

My land is full of this waste

Yet I spin on with breakneck haste

To a future that’s never there

Full of broken promises and lost prayers

 

What doesn’t matter anymore?

 

I stop the urgent pressing need

And look around at what I see

I focus hard on what is there

Pulling back to see the bare

Plastic bits and glass and rubber

Have replaced our love for one another

 

I realize

That as long as I’m still breathing

I can change

And trade plasticglassrubbergadgetchores

and screens

Back

for all my dreams

I held love

I don’t have to be that Dad

your tiny fingers danced in the dark
I held your foot in the palm of my hand
body curled up in mine
I stayed still
I held my breath
and listened

I look back now
and see Us there
warm bottle
rocking chair
slowly swaying into sleep

I think of the all times we fought
the things we said
the Beings we’re not
biting, scratching, clawing mad
I don’t have to be that Dad
the future not yet set in stone
a lesson learned before we’ve grown

your tiny fingers dancing in the dark
I hold your foot in the palm of my hand
body curled up in mine
I stay still
I hold my breath
and I promise not to forget
to bite my breath
and listen

Heart 1

 

Originally posted here.