Month: November 2016

This is war. I fight every day. It’s not me, it’s a projection of what I think they want me to be. I do well. I survive. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Caged. That’s what we are. We can leave but few of us leave. Our lives depend on it. Livelihoods count on it. Happiness and success dangle. Sticks and carrots both jab and both hurt. It’s war, baby.

There are really only two options here, two choices, if you can call them that. The first is to lay down. The second to stand up. The ones who lay down are rewarded. The ones who stand up are gunned down. You end up on the ground either way, so I choose the dirt. I put my nose in it, breath it in and get angry. I channel the frustration into work, focus, quit asking why (‘why’ is not on the test) and answer correctly. I get rewarded.

I have guilt. I am guilty. I help others. Tell them the answers. Hell, I give them away. It’s not a fair system, it’s not you’re fault you don’t know, the whole battle is rigged anyway. If you don’t know you’re in a fight it’s hard to fight. No amount of beating will change that. I see it, so take what you need to get through. Even the guy that used to beat me, it’s not his fault. It’s the war, one day you’re enemies, the next day your allies. Why? They said so.

The competition. The problem: if you win I can’t win. If I win you can’t win. Scarcity. There’s not enough to go around so only the best survive. If you’re not one of the best, well, hit the dirt.

Look back while pretending to look ahead. He did that so now I have to do this. Being proactive. Or reactive. It doesn’t matter, we’re all dead in the end.

The survivors are held up for the next to worship. The winners are given shiny things. Apotheosis achieved. War won.

Those who didn’t make it? Losers. Failures.

How incredibly unfair it is to label another human being a failure.

Life is work. There. I said it. I don’t mean that life is putting in 18 hour days slaving at a job that repulses you to make money. I mean that living life, day to day, is work. It takes effort. It takes energy to get out of bed. Scheduling your social activities requires your attention. Raising your children is a challenge. Cleaning the dishes. Walking the dog. Breathing.

When we separate our lives into boxes and identify one activity as “work” and another as “play” we are living a dangerous lie. You may differentiate work and play by highlighting that what you do for work is done for a wage, for an employer, for someone else. Play might be something that you do for yourself, for fun. This is at the crux of the matter. When you work for money you are exerting effort to earn what you need to support your family, your life, yourself. When you work you are actually doing it for yourself. Yes, it may be true that you have chosen to spend your time working for an employer who uses your labor and your ideas to make a profit. Did you see it? The word in that sentence? You have made a choice to sacrifice your time and labor for an agreed upon price. You have chosen to work to live.

But work isn’t fun. Why not? If what you define as work doesn’t get you excited, doesn’t entertain you, doesn’t engage you, why do you choose to do it? Why not do something else that you love, that you can put your energy into? Why not do something that you refuse to call “work” because you enjoy it so much? Let’s be clear. Life is work. It takes a lot of investigation, self-analysis and energy to find The Thing. It may take a day, a month, a year or more to find it. Isn’t it worth investing in yourself instead of choosing to spend the rest of your life working? Is that even a choice?

Try something. Write a list of the top 5 things you spend your time doing that you don’t think of as work. As an example, here is my list:

1. Spending time with my family
2. Cutting trees
3. Finding ways to help people, increasing effectiveness
4. Learning, reading, writing
5. Photography

Now, why not exert some energy and choose to do something that makes life your work?